


why would you ever kiss me?

by atsukitas



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Canon Compliant, Farmer Kita Shinsuke, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I'm so sorry, M/M, Pro Volleyball Player Miya Atsumu, Unrequited Love, atskt nation pls forgive me for this, atsumu is in love with sakusa, coming home, kita is in love with atsumu, sobs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 07:26:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27150058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atsukitas/pseuds/atsukitas
Summary: Shinsuke always gives Atsumu the taste of love.And that taste of love doesn’t mean saying those three letter words nor kissing passionately until they run out of breath, no. The taste of love Shinsuke gives him is in the form of making him feel home in the vast spread of rice field, watching sunsets while talking about how their day went, making jokes until Atsumu forgets the reason why he cried, or it can also be drinking coffee together before they cuddle in the soft mattress of Shinsuke’s room during a rainy night, and despite the cold, Atsumu can feel warmth all over him because of Shinsuke’s arms around his waist. The distance Atsumu takes to get to Hyogo doesn’t matter anymore because he knows being home in Shinsuke’s solace is better than anything else.
Relationships: Kita Shinsuke/Miya Atsumu, Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Comments: 3
Kudos: 68





	why would you ever kiss me?

**Author's Note:**

> my second atsukita fic really became like this im so sorry 

_[heather — conan gray](https://open.spotify.com/track/4xqrdfXkTW4T0RauPLv3WA?si=86QLq731RFyyE7rmeLdjLA) _  
  


“Atsumu.”

Shinsuke blinks, staring at the man standing in front of his doorway. It’s raining hard, darkness taking over, yet Shinsuke can see that Atsumu is in a vulnerable state---puffy eyes looking back at him, silently pleading for something Shinsuke can’t fathom just yet. His hair is a little damp and disheveled, his clothes as well. From what Shinsuke observed, the latter probably walked into the rain all the way to his house. And for what? 

_ What happened to him? _

“Shinsuke.” Atsumu mutters, voice shaking. “He… he didn’t choose me.”

And that’s it.

For someone who’s been friends with Atsumu for years, Shinsuke knows how bad the heartbreak is affecting him. Of course, he was there when Atsumu started falling in love, he was there when Atsumu wouldn’t stop talking about the guy he likes so much, he was there the first time Atsumu got his heart broken, he was there when Atsumu cried after the guy he loves started falling in love with someone else. Shinsuke has always been there, through thick and thin, through happy times or tough times, and yet, he never got tired.

Atsumu loves intensely, from what Shinsuke observed throughout the years. From others, he might appear to be the frisky type, seeming to be always full of enthusiasm about everything, always teasing, always so fervid, always smiling so bright, but away from other people, away from the court where he always plays his favorite sport, he can be so vulnerable, he can be fragile, he can be in immense pain when he loves so much. Shinsuke knows it, knows it more than anyone, because every time that happens, the younger will end up in his arms, seeking comfort from someone whom he knows will never get tired of giving him the taste of love he can never get from the person he can’t stop clinging to. 

And that taste of love doesn’t mean saying those three letter words nor kissing passionately until they run out of breath, no. The taste of love Shinsuke gives him is in the form of making him feel home in the vast spread of rice field, watching sunsets while talking about how their day went, making jokes until Atsumu forgets the reason why he cried, or it can also be drinking coffee together before they cuddle in the soft mattress of Shinsuke’s room during a rainy night, and despite the cold, Atsumu can feel warmth all over him because of Shinsuke’s arms around his waist. The distance Atsumu takes to get to Hyogo doesn’t matter anymore because he knows being home in Shinsuke’s solace is better than anything else.

That’s what friends are for, right? Driving for a hundred miles just to see the person you know will be so patient for you. 

“Let’s get you warm first.” Shinsuke lets Atsumu go in, before he almost runs to get a towel. When he gets back in the living room, he gently wraps the towel around Atsumu’s head to dry his hair. “You left some of your clothes here before, you can wear them.”

Nothing but the sound of rain resonates between them. Atsumu is too silent, not bothering himself to speak as he lets Shinsuke dry him off. The latter knows it’s probably not the right time yet to say something about the reason why he came to his place again.

“Can I stay for the night?” Atsumu asks, brown eyes full of emotions glancing at Shinsuke’s.

Shinsuke stops with his movements and flashes a smile. “Even if you don’t ask.”

“I…” the younger heaves a sigh. “Thank you.”

“You gotta change your clothes now, you might catch a cold.”

Atsumu nods. “Okay.”

“Hey.” Shinsuke tilts his head slightly to the side, eyeing Atsumu. “Can you forget about what happened? Even just for tonight?” He’s aware that it isn’t easy for Atsumu’s side, however, he doesn’t want to see Atsumu in such a despair even if he knows how to handle this kind of situation. Because no matter how many times he’s experienced this, seeing Atsumu in so much pain is unbearable for him as well. It hurts him, his heart.

“What if I can’t?”

“I’ll make you.” Shinsuke replies before he turns around to go to his room and get Atsumu’s clothes. 

When he gets back in the living room, he hands the clothes to Atsumu, the latter taking it.

“I left these here?” Atsumu asks, looking down at the clothes Shinsuke gave him. 

“Yeah. You stayed here for a week a month ago, and you left some of your clothes. I kept them in one place, in case you need them.” Shinsuke replies.

“I’m starting to feel like I live here.” Atsumu chuckles lightly. 

“This is your home too.” 

And Atsumu finally smiles, faintly but Shinsuke can see it. 

“You literally visit here every week to keep me company.” Shinsuke tells him, one eyebrow raised. “Not that I’m complaining. I’m actually glad you do it despite the… distance. Doesn’t your brother even complain about you driving for hours just to get here?” 

“Nah, he likes it when the apartment is empty. He can invite Rintarou over and they will make out.” 

Shinsuke’s nose crunches up. “That’s too much information.”

Atsumu laughs. “Sorry. But yeah, you know them.”

“Hey, if you wanna spend a week here again, go on. I bought enough food yesterday, and it's not rainy during the day. We can walk to the farm again or feed the ducks or watch sunsets like usual.” Shinsuke suggests.

“As much as I love to, we have a practice tomorrow. Coach noticed we're slacking off during the previous training this week.” the younger pouts. “Maybe next week? After the tournament?” 

“Okay.” Shinsuke smiles. “But change your clothes now. I'm gonna make you coffee.”

Instead of walking over to the bathroom to change, Atsumu stares at Shinsuke first, eyes glinting as if he's in awe. “I'm home again.” 

  
  
  


Once Atsumu is done, he walks up to the kitchen and takes a seat on the chair next to where Shinsuke is sitting. Two cups of coffee settled on the table, the other one is for Atsumu. He takes it and takes a sip before he glances at Shinsuke.

“Thank you, Shinsuke.” he says that sounded almost like a whisper.

“You always thank me.”

“Because you never get tired of me.” Atsumu looks away.

Shinsuke smirks, barely noticeable. “I'll never get tired of your annoying ass.”

“Woah, woah,” Atsumu clutches on his chest, pretending like he's struck by pain. “I'm hurt.”

“You're so dramatic.”

“But I'm serious. Why do you still stay by my side?”

Shinsuke wants to tell him. He wants to tell Atsumu so bad that he's staying by his side not only because he's a friend. He wants to tell Atsumu how much he loves him, he wants to tell Atsumu that he'll be waiting until he learns to love him even though he's not certain if there's something to wait for. Those are the things Shinsuke wants to tell Atsumu, but he can't let those words out of his mouth. 

Before, during his highschool days, his teammates always say that Shinsuke is blunt, not sugar-coating his words and many will agree to that. But Shinsuke isn't actually that honest and straight to the point when it comes to letting out the words inside his head. Because he kept his love for Atsumu hidden through the years, no matter how much he wants to utter the words "I'm in love with you" simply as if they're the things he used to tell him during practice or matches.

Shinsuke knows he shouldn't.

He's content with this. Having conversations with Atsumu, laughing with Atsumu, Atsumu often visiting, Atsumu seeking comfort from him, Atsumu being this close to him. Because Shinsuke isn't like Atsumu when it comes to loving someone. He doesn't like to risk, he doesn't like to suffer with pain like what Atsumu does after begging for someone's love, and he doesn't like to love so much that it affects you a lot.

Shinsuke's way of loving Atsumu is placid. He prefers to express it in the most subtle ways like making him coffee, keeping his clothes in case he comes again, asking him to stay for a week so they can visit the farm or telling him that they can cook together. That's fine for him. After all, he's quite sure that he can make Atsumu feel better.

“Sometimes I wish I fell in love with you instead.”

Shinsuke laughs at the statement. “Really?”

“Yeah,” Atsumu sighs. “I don't know why I still hope for Omi who's madly in love with someone else when you are right there.”

“You can't force yourself to love someone, Atsumu.”

“I know.”

“That's the same case for Sakusa.” Shinsuke takes a sip on the coffee. “No matter how much you show him how much he means to you, or how much you give your everything just for him to love you, it's still his feelings in the end. It hurts so much, I know, but that's how it is. People will love whoever they want, whoever their heart beats for.”

“That sucks.” Atsumu bitterly chuckles.

“I know.” 

“How do you know?”

“I love too, Atsumu.”

Atsumu raises an eyebrow. “Who do you love?”

Shinsuke isn't telling him.

No.

“I won't tell you.” he simply answers.

“Come on! You always tell me your past crushes.”

“And you tell the whole team.”

“I'm not telling them this time.” Atsumu grins and leans closer to Shinsuke to tease him. “Tell me, tell me, tell me.”

Shinsuke turns to him, their eyes meeting, faces suddenly so close to each other, noses almost touching. If Shinsuke didn't turn around, they wouldn't be in this situation. 

_ He's fucked. _

Atsumu didn't even back away. He remains there, not moving an inch, and Shinsuke… oh, he's sure he's blushing.

“Shinsuke…” Atsumu speaks, eyes trailing down until they stop at Shinsuke's parted lips. His hand moved, only to cup Shinsuke's cheek. 

Is this really happening?

“Can I?” 

It's the last thing Shinsuke will expect to happen. He never saw this coming, not even in his dreams. Because they have an invisible line between them that they should not cross, both of them are surely aware of it. 

But now, it seems like the recklessness from yearning for someone's love is taking over them.

Shinsuke nods. And it happened.

Atsumu gives him a peck first, and another, before he dives in completely to taste the bittersweet feeling of something new. He kisses fervently, lips trying to part Shinsuke's and the latter's breath hitches before he let Atsumu take the lead. Their tongues languidly slides against one another, causing the both of them to gasp.

Shinsuke can feel the frustration in Atsumu's kisses, he knows Atsumu is trying to search for something in Shinsuke's mouth, something like the feeling of someone else's lips, someone else's love, yet Shinsuke just lets him. Because maybe… maybe he's as frustrated as Atsumu.

Shinsuke grips Atsumu's wrist, relishing the moment he knows they will regret later. “Miya.” he whispers in between kisses before he meets with Atsumu's mouth again. The hunger they both feel is immense—the hunger for a love that's not unrequited.

Atsumu stops, panting, before he rests his forehead on Shinsuke's shoulder. “Shinsuke.” 

“Are you okay?”

“I shouldn't have let it happen.”

“We can forget that this happened.” Shinsuke tells him, he lifts Atsumu's face up, cupping his face gently. “I know it's just the frustration that took over the both of us.”

“I want to love you.”

“We can't force ourselves.”

“Shinsuke, who do you love?”

“You.” 

“Why me?”

“Why not you?”

“I hurt you.” Atsumu holds his hand. “I'm so sorry.”

“Atsumu, don't be sorry.” Shinsuke smiles. “Forget this happened, forget what I told you. Don't stop visiting me, don't stop sending me pictures during your breaks, don't even think of forcing yourself to love me. I won't like it. We're still friends. We still can do the usual, yeah?”

As much as he likes the idea of Atsumu loving him, Shinsuke will rather see him visit every week than seeing him force himself to love someone he just kissed in the midst of yearning.

“Continue loving him, it's okay if it hurts. You'll be fine, well, someday but don't rush it.”

“But will you be okay?” Atsumu asks.

_ No. _

  
  


_ Yes. _

“Yes.”


End file.
